Breaking: The Online Store is Back in Business!

+++Border Listening Post 499+++Transmission intercept+++Point of broadcast origin Luches territory+++Border Sector 872.36+++ Transmission content as follows:


“An Official Communique from the Office of the Revolutionary Commissariat for Special Tasks and Political Correctness Enforcement Headquarters:

The Metal Express Online Store is now back in business thanks to our resident Senior Luches Utopian Political Officer and IT specialist. The investigating team of commissars swiftly identified the offending ASP Technocracy counterrevolutionaries who wrote the destructive counterrevolutionary code used for their diabolical plan presented as an innocent system update. The fiends!

The summary field interrogation and trial conducted by the diligent commissars and our loyal revolutionary IT specialist have found these ASPer spies completely responsible for this affront to The Glorious Luches Utopia People’s Revolution and our Dear and Glorious Leader Simon Luches!

Despite their ludicrously transparent false protestations of being innocent members of an ASP Technocracy technical assistance team merely trying to keep the Metal Express Online Store updated with the current software, our superbly trained and astute Defenders of The Glorious Luches Utopia People’s Revolution saw straight through their subterfuge and were not deceived for even a moment!

The counterrevolutionaries were promptly subdued by the commissar’s 300,000 volt shock batons, and taken into custody, tried, convicted, and sentenced on the spot for their vile counterrevolutionary crimes against Dear Leader and The Glorious Luches Utopian People’s Revolution!

The counterrevolutionary scum are now in transit as they deserve, packed into the hold of a zero-g livestock freight conveyor enroute to Reedumacashun Kamp Number 1 on the garden world of Muck for their all expenses paid permanent holiday. No doubt being the new arrivals the camp commissars will put the miscreants to good use cleaning out the Mudmaggot pens…

Hail the Glorious People’s Revolution! Hail Dear Leader! Hail Luches!”


+++End intercept+++

Web Store Temporarily Down…

Due to a technical issue the Metal Express online store is temporarily down while our IT gang works to restore it to full working order. Please bear with us while we sort this out (most likely by putting a Luches Political Officer in charge, as they always get things “right” even if they have to apply their standard issue 300,000 AMP shockstick batons to tender portions of the human anatomy!). We’ll post an announcement as soon as service is restored!

“Now, whose idea was it again to hire the ASP Technocracy IT Company as our service provider again…?”